Saying No

Sometimes there are so many things to do, I don't know where to start.

But I also don't know where to end.

As resourceful, goal-oriented, "make things happen" women, not only do we tend to have a hard time asking for help -- but we sometimes have trouble saying no.

Before my daughter was born, 10 years ago last week, I worked at least 50 hours per week at my one job, socialized on weekends, wrote a novel on the side. That was good, but not great.

Now that I've been a mother for a full DECADE, I can see that this new role has made me into a much more diverse human being. I care about what happens in my childrens' school, so I'm active with the PTA, particularly its advocacy committee. Recently I helped host a community discussion with parents from 12 local schools after our city erupted into uncomfortable feelings around race, equity in the schools, and integration/segregation.

I care about the spiritual development of my daughter and 5-year-old son, so I found us a great community at the Unitarian Universalist church. I care about being connected there, so for two years I've been working toward our 150th anniversary celebration this fall. Next week I begin putting together a 120-page church history book based on what I've learned heading our archives efforts.

I care about finding my own balance, so that I can be the most stress-free mother I can be (which, granted, is sometimes still quite stressed), so I've been proactive about meeting new people and developing new friendships that fit with my lifestyle.

And, of course, I continue creating and reaching out with the Choice Moms community, here online, and in face-to-face workshop events that in 2009 take me to D.C., Chicago, Los Angeles, and Atlanta.

I feel so much more powerful as a person truly connected to the wider universe than I was when I worked 50 hours a week creating publications for Time Inc. clients.

But now....it's time to slow down.
It's time to start saying no.

One of the things I am hearing more about is the fatigue of kids, who are scheduled and web-connected and plugged in as much as their parents are.

I think it's something we tend to teach them, not only by putting them in so many enriching activities, but by setting an example of that ourselves.

Summer is coming. Trees and flowers are blooming. Lakes and rivers are winking. Books are calling.

I, for one, want to take some concentrated time now to declutter our lives and simplify our days.

What about you? Are you feeling overcommitted as an adult, wanting to take a step back and create more private moments with your kids? What are you going to do about it this month? Next month?